From Psalm 54
I fell in love for the first time when I was young, still a teenager, and it was for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t have the eyes or emotional intelligence to see it at the time, but I fell in love with what I thought he could do for me—fulfill me, make me feel attractive and wanted and all the things that begged to be felt deep inside.
I actually think people do this all the time. And I think it’s okay. When we’re young especially, we’re still figuring out who we are and what we’re after. We have deep-seated needs, and we don’t understand them. We go after fulfilling those needs in ways we also don’t understand. It’s just more complex than we’re able to grasp at the time. Or maybe, ever.
I’ll be unpacking these layers the rest of my life, but today, here’s what I know: I fell in love with God for the same reasons as I fell for a man. I wanted Someone to fulfill me. To give me the things I wanted. To make me happy and whole and at peace. To help me feel, deep inside, that I’m provided for and okay.
And now, having been in love with God for a while and having walked through some things with Him and built a relationship with His Spirit and Scripture that’s tested and probed and refined me, I’m learning: I have to let this go. God will do things for me, but this is not the reason to love Him.
The reason to love Him is because of who He is and because of what He’s already done. He’s already fulfilled you. He’s already made a way for you to be happy. He’s already provided everything you could ever need and everything you really want. He’s already made you whole. He’s already granted you peace. You’re okay now. Today. Forever. In Him.
Sometimes loving someone requires a sacrifice. Today, for me, it’s a sacrifice of thanksgiving: “I will offer a sacrifice as a special gift to you. I will thank you, Lord, because you are good” (Psalm 54:6 NCV).
These aren’t the words I want to say today. Don’t get me wrong—some days, they are! I can’t help but think them and want to share them. But other days, especially as I want for things He hasn’t given, it’s a sacrifice. I have to remind myself to love Him for who He is and what He’s already done.
Today and every day, no matter what, He deserves my thanksgiving, and love, and praise.
During a hard season, a friend prayed those words over me: I hope you will know God is enough. They sunk in with time. If they haven’t already, I hope they will sink in for you too. God is so good. He is so invested in us. He owes us nothing, and yet, He’s given us everything.
Next Week’s Reading: Psalm 54–60.