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Go to Him

From Psalm 25

This past year has been frustrating.

If you’ve read my posts up till now, you know—I’ve been struggling with unwanted weight gain, and this, even after trying really hard. As hard as I knew how. I monitored my weight and food and calories and macros to the T. I did this for months and lost 0 pounds. I yo-yoed week to week, despite trying new things and making healthy choices. I didn’t understand. I still don’t.

I’ve taken the summer off from “trying so hard.” I worked through a ninety-day devotional called Satisfied that’s written for those struggling with food addiction. I wouldn’t say I’m addicted to food (though I love to eat!), but I’m definitely addicted to weight loss. I’ve been hyper obsessed with diets and a flatter belly and slimmer thighs for as long as I can remember. So this summer, I focused (or tried to focus) only on healthy, balanced choices and self-respect. I didn’t weigh in, didn’t punish myself by avoiding occasional treats—Liv and I started a weekly mommy-daughter date at the donut shop. It felt good to set my phone down, stop wearing a tracking device, and just be in my life.

But every day hasn’t been easy. I’m not where I want to be. There’s been a wrestling match between my spirit, which says, “You’re beautiful the way you are,” and a dark voice in my mind that says, “You’ve given up, you loser. What’s wrong with you?”

Why am I saying all this? To catch you up to last week, when, after finishing my devotional and focusing on balance and still not being where I want to be, I’m looking around and wondering what to do next. I don’t know where to go from here. This is what I said, in my heart and then out loud, to the Lord.

“It’s not about what you’re eating, but how.”

This truth came into my soul within twenty-four hours of my confession. And it started repeating itself over and over. It’s not what, but how—and I began to piece together some facts. Like how I eat at my desk, often, and don’t thank God for what He’s provided. And how I cram in small meals while standing in the kitchen or driving. How I rush through every meal like I’m in a race. How I treat food and my body somewhat carelessly—like shoveling coal into a machine, not nourishing a beautifully designed, intricate work of a Master Craftsman.

I’m going to stop there, because God’s message to me—which I was hesitant to write about because I’m still unpacking it and (I believe) it’s one piece of a larger puzzle—isn’t the point. The point is, if you seek His help, He can and will give it.

“Lord, I give myself to you; my God, I trust you. … Lord, tell me your ways. Show me how to live.” (Psalm 25:1, 4 NCV)

I don’t believe this verse is an abstraction. I don’t believe “tell me your ways” is meant to be vague or that “His ways” only includes those spiritual virtues we know about—be kind, be merciful, be compassionate (though it does include those things). I believe He also has a specific way to help you. A specific way to help with the struggle you’re facing, the questions you have, the hurt or doubt or discouragement you feel.

“The Lord tells his secrets to those who respect him.” (vv. 12, 14)

I guess what I’m trying to say is, go to Him. Cast your cares on Him—even the ones that seem little or unspiritual or, maybe, unimportant. He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). And there’s no area outside of His ability to help.

Hopefully yours,

Author, blog, Christian

Next Week’s Reading: Psalm 25–31.


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